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Defining Toughness: Moving Beyond the Buzzword

We tell players to "be tougher" all the time. I was guilty of it early in my career - yelling during timeouts or during practice. The problem is that toughness can be vague if we never explain what it actually looks like. One coach's idea of toughness might be different from another's, and if players are left to guess, you will get inconsistent results.

If toughness matters in your program, then it deserves a clear definition. When players know exactly what toughness is and how it shows up every day, they have a much better chance to live it out.

Here is how I have defined toughness with my teams. These are not universal rules—they are simply the standards we chose to build around. What matters most is that your players know what your definition is.

Toughness Defined:

Once toughness is defined, it becomes teachable. Coaches can now praise it, correct it, and demand it with clarity. Instead of saying "be tougher," you can say "that was a tough rebound," or "your response there showed toughness," or "our body language didn't meet our toughness standard." Players learn quickly when expectations are clear and consistent.

You usually get more of what you promote in your program. If toughness is talked about, shown on film, rewarded in practice, and referenced in feedback, it becomes part of your culture.

Define it. Teach it. Live it. Over time, your players will stop guessing what toughness means and start showing it every day.

Question for you: How are you defining toughness with your team this season?

The Highlight After the Loss: Am I Missing Something?

I'll admit something upfront: I might be “old school” here. I might be showing my age, and maybe someone can help me see this differently, but social media has changed how young athletes view competition in many ways - some of which I still don’t understand.

I see it everywhere. Why are players posting highlights and photos on social media right after losses?

I'm not talking about the kid who had a monster 40-point game that college coaches need to see, that's different. Or the SportsCenter Top 10 poster dunk that will be on a mixtape for years to come. I'm talking about the routine post-game Instagram story. The highlight clip uploaded before the bus even pulls out of the parking lot. The team just lost, and there's your player, curating content.

What exactly are we showcasing here? What are we celebrating? You lost the game. In my old school brain, there is nothing to celebrate or promote in that moment. It feels less about the team and more about being seen, admired, or getting likes.

I keep coming back to this thought: I cannot imagine Tom Brady or Kobe Bryant posting their personal highlights after a loss. Not because they didn't have good individual plays in those games - of course they did. But because the loss meant something. It stung. It demanded reflection, not promotion.

The Clip-Farming Generation

Here's what I think is happening, and I say this without judgment toward the kids…they didn't create this environment, they inherited it.

Our younger generation has grown up on clip farming, rage bait, and viral moments. Content is currency. Visibility = value. The algorithm doesn't care if your team won or lost; it only cares if you're posting. And these kids have internalized that message from every corner of their digital lives.

So when a player rushes to post after a loss, maybe they're not being selfish or tone-deaf. Maybe they're just operating in the system they've been taught. But I still think it sends a message (whether intended or not) that individual brand matters more than collective outcome.

And that's where I think we, as coaches and parents, have a role to play.

I'm not anti-self-promotion. Players should absolutely have highlight tapes. Put together a mid-season reel. Build an end-of-season showcase of your best clips. Send it to college coaches. Use social media as a recruiting tool. I realize it's powerful and here to stay.

But there's a difference between strategic self-promotion and reflexive content creation. And I think we owe it to our players to have honest conversations about optics. About what it looks like to teammates, opponents, and college coaches when your team loses and you immediately go to Instagram to post your personal moments.

Does it look like team-first? Or does it look like something else?

What's Working for You?

Coaches, am I too “old school”, too stuck in a different era? Maybe there's a perspective I'm missing…maybe this is just what building a personal brand looks like in the year 2026, and I need to get with the times. I don't think this is about being right or wrong. It's about helping players navigate a world they're already living in with a little more awareness and maturity.

Fellow coaches, how are you handling this? Are you talking about social media use after games? Have you found language that resonates with your players? Or do you see this differently than I do?

I think this is a conversation worth having.

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Virginia was a defensive powerhouse under coach Tony Bennett

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That’s a wrap on Episode 23 of Game Shots. Thank you for subscribing.

My mission has always been, and will always be, to support coaches around the world who love the game and want to keep getting better.